I couldn't let the old year end without saying goodbye. Thank you, everyone, for being so kind to me this past year, and for understanding my disapperances. I'll catch you up in a few days. I love you so much.

I've got a compulsion to keep track of what I've been reading. (I recently spent a month plodding through Eva Trout. I'll save you the trouble -- Bowen kills her on the last damn page.) Since then:

> Junky by William S. Burroughs
> Blink by Malcom Gladwell
> Who Are You People? by Shari Caudron

The Big Horse Lounge is closing -- it was an inevitable victim of North/Damen/Milwaukee gentrification. It's sad, just the same. At least we can rest assured that it will be replaced with a fake Irish pub or some equally venerable establishment (maybe a Cosi sandwich shop?).

Maybe I'm just getting old and entrenched in my musical tastes, but I thought 2006 was a pretty crummy year for new music. Anyway, here's my top ten of the year. Twas slim pickins, but I genuinely like all of these.

10. Islands - Return to the Sea
09. The Liars - Drum's Not Dead
08. Pony Up! - Make Love to the Judges with Your Eyes
07. Built to Spill - You In Reverse
06. Cat Power - The Greatest
05. Xiu Xiu - The Air Force
04. Yo La Tengo - I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass
03. Nina Nastasia - On Leaving
02. Crush Kill Destroy - Metric Midnight
01. Joanna Newsom - Ys

This is what total cuteness looks like.

Best quote from the mag's holiday party:

"Jack the Ripper was the shit, but the Ipswich Ripper really pisses me off. 'Ipswich Ripper' sounds like some kind of nice British sweater that I want to wrap around me. I don't care if he's killing and dismembering prostitutes. 'Ipswich Ripper' just sounds gay, and it pisses me off. Why can't we have any decent serial killers these days?"

Annual call for addresses! For Christmas card purposes, I need addresses (please include full last name as well for spelling verification purposes.) Please send them to capitalistmafia@gmail.com

Lakshmi is not just my best friend. She is the best friend. ever.

I'm not sure this particular experience is worth it. Surely there is some other way I can achieve my overriding objective. I have never been under so much stress before in my life. And this is only the first set of exams. There are four sets during the next three years. Plus resits for failed exams, which I'm pretty much guaranteed. I hate exams. HATE! And I'm pretty rubbish at taking them, too, what with my eyes not working properly.

I have not had a proper night's sleep in the past two and a half weeks. I have some pills to help me fall asleep, but I always wake-up in a panic after two or three hours, and can't get back to sleep. And just lay in bed in a panic for hours, until it's time to get-up. I have no appetite, because my stomach just churns and I constantly feel five minutes from vomitting or bursting into tears. When I do eat, it only makes me feel more like I'm going to vomit. I had a bowl of blueberries and some lowfat yogurts for dinner, and even that made me ill. A bowl of soup made me ill last night. I've lost nearly 25 pounds since I started this job at the beginning of September. My face has exploded. My eyes have recently decided to become permanently bloodshot. My head hurts all the time, so when I wake-up, I have to take something for my head with breakfast, which I normally can't stomach anyway. All for a shot at a life over here. But if this is the next three years of my life, then -- I'm not sure I'll make it. I'm not sure I want to make it. I'm too old for this sort of shite, and too tired, and I want something simple and uncomplicated, not something complex that takes decades off the end of my life. The years I don't lose from stress and ill health, I'll lose from binge drinking and messing about on the weekends to try and get over the weeks.

Granted, the least terror-inducing of this set of exams is tomorrow, but they're all failable. And none of my performances has been particularly stellar. I'm usually just above the pass line. And I never have enough time to finish an exam. Not even close. If I'd had the extra time I'm supposed to have on today's exam, I'd have no worries about whether or not I passed it, because I'd have had time to include examples in my major narrative answer. Fingers crossed. At least I know I at least got a good fail, and have an excuse for not having completed my answers satisfactorily. But I'd rather just have the pass. And I have to wait until February 2nd to find out how I've done.

I wish the people were shit. Because if the people weren't amazing, I'd have no problem just walking out. But I want to stay with the people, and I do want to live here, and I do want to achieve my overriding objective, and I may not get another opportunity this good to try and do it. But bloody hell. These exams are killing me. Surely there is a good job over here that I can get a work permit to do that doesn't include three years of exams that make me ill. But I'd still have to leave the people behind. And it's such a good group! I really must get this eye thing sorted out, so that I can start getting the time I'm supposed to have. It would really, really help. :-/

I got bored this morning, so before going back to the paper grind, I updated my Myspace James Joyce profile by making these two photos:



I also posted the following blog:

Night (Inhibitions) Out
Current mood: drunk

I got my mind on my money, my money on my mind Niggas.

Jimmy J don't usually rap with the blog--it's a bastardization of the art, what what, and
Jimmy J
don't roll that way.

But by now, it's all over the internet--me 'n Paris at the clubs, Mr. Chow. You've probably seen my freshly shaved and vicious genitals more than you've seen your own. Differences abound: my unmentionables are bumping up against Paris Hilton's Ferrari, whereas yours are limp in your own hand. Haters.

So when you see my new pictures, when you see the drunken stumbled from cars and the sloppy kisses with fresh faced stickies, don't you judge me. I'm out and about, taking advantage of my celebrity for free drinks and swag. No one's asking you to like it.
Preemptively,
Jimmy J

So I've been writing a million songs lately. no picks. no skills. no mercy.

Here's one for you to listen to! it is bad. i love it.

My socks don't match today. It's been one of those weeks. Took a week's holiday to study for my exams, but spent most of the week in bed (stressing and sleeping, alone!). I've only had this job for three months, and it's already taken about a decade off the end of my life. On the plus side, I probably don't need to worry about saving for my retirement anymore. Which means I can afford to buy imported FrootLoops in Edinburgh at a cost of $10 a box. Worth it!

Jones, I'm hoping my parents get me Seasons 1 and 2 of Laguna Beach for Christmas. But we've gotten to the stage where I just go out and buy myself whatever I want for Christmas, if there's something in particualr, and then hand it over to my mom for wrapping, and then she subtracts whatever I spent buying them gifts to give to me from my tab with them. It works for us. And now I've documented it, I ought to pop online and buy myself some gifts. My flight isn't due into O'Hare until half 3 on Christmas Eve, so I'll not have time to the pop to the shops in person.

I've been completely off since the end of October. And now it's the beginning of December, and it might be too late for me to pull myself together in time for my December exams and the next 2 years and 9 months of my training contract. Maybe if my eyes weren't hopelessly fucked up, I'd have more faith in myself. But they aren't working very well right now, and they'll only get worse as I get more and more worked up. I've not been able to get to sleep this week -- too worried -- and then when I finally fall asleep sometime in the morning, I'm asleep until 2pm, so my schedule is all messed up. And I have mock exams in the mornings next week!

FrootLoops are good enough at listening, but sometimes I need someone to sit next to me and tell me that everything will be okay, until I start to believe it myself. Also, I need something to help me get to sleep. An unopened bottle of my friend Mr.Rum has been sitting on the dining table for ages, because I only drink rum with diet Coke, alcohol-induced sleeps are low quality, and drinking alone is a bad habit I've no intention of picking-up.

I like sleeping alone, and I don't mind waking up alone, but falling asleep alone isn't the best. It's a shame human size teddy bears are so outrageously expensive. Gregory and Shaniqua aren't very cuddly...but my room is so small, and my wardrobe so large, that I've nowhere else to store them but at the foot of my bed.

Rubbish.

Christmas Present for Me, which I post for the benefit of family and relatives who will hopefully tell mom and dad so it will be a 'suprise':
http://www.amazon.com/Glass-Irony-God-Cape-Poetry/dp/0224051172/ref=ed_oe_p/002-6519149-8997650

My lackof posting is not laziness, but the result of two actions: The Situation (which cannot be posted about) and Final Papers (worth 100% of my grade by December 11th). So, I will be away for a while, giving sporadic posts, but don't worry--i'm happy and healthy(ish) and buying some terrific christmas presents.

I'm posting a survey I found on Ian's website in lieu of a real one. You know I'm a sucker for the lame teenage girl surveys:

Fill this out about your SENIOR year of high school!
1. Who was your best friend? Bonnie Cody
2.What sports did you play? Tennis, Field Hockey
3. What kind of car did you drive? 11984 Dodge ("Bluffs"), 1998 Toyota Sienna ("The Spite Wagon")
4. It's Friday night, where were you? AT home; maybe Denny's or Walmart if it was special
5. Were you a party animal?!! No.
6. Were you considered a flirt? No. I was considered a lesbian
7. Ever skip school? Constantly. My mother helped me.
8. Were you a nerd? Loved math and science, slaved over the literary magazine, never dated, coldn't dress, had an internet boyfriend, bad acne and terrible hair, fantasized about killing my classmates and was never invited to parties--so in a word, yes.
10. Did you get suspended/expelled? No
11. Can you sing the fight song? No fight song. What, are you serious? High Schools have fight songs? since when?
12. Who was your favorite teacher? Mr. Kramer
13. Favorite class? The History of Women; World History
14. What was your school's full name?: The Ella Hockaday School for Girls
15. What was the mascot? The Killer Daisy
16. Did you go to Prom? Yes; alone
17. If you could go back and do it over, would you? I loved high school, and I had a great time, but it was hell on earth; I've never worked so hard, cried so much, slept so little. So no.
18. What do you remember most about graduation? My English teacher giving us a lecture, advising us to skip our college classes every once in a while to explore the city, or read a good book. I took that advice to heart in college, and had the most amazing college experience ever.
19. Favorite memory of your Senior Year? Hanging out with Leigh Notestein in our makshift "office" by the bookstore, having underclassmen teach us how to properly "back that thing up" to Juvenile
20. Where were you on senior skip day? I stayed on campus and stole a car with the keys in it, drove it onto the soccer field, then turned in the keys to the lost and found.
21. Did you have a job your senior year? No
22. Where did you go most often for lunch? Taco Bueno!
23. Have you gained weight since then? Lost, thank heavens. I was lucky to be told in college how unappealing my body was. I had no idea! I thought it was fine. I'm so lucky other people were there to point out how I could sculpt my body to best appeal to men. I was just appealing to myself. Silly me
24. What did you do after graduation? Dinner with the family, bowling with my friends, rih kids party with my old Swiss Semester friends, stumbled home in a muddy stress. It wasn't as much fun as it sounds.
25. When did you graduate? 2000
26. Who was your Senior homecoming date?I didn't go--that would require knowing a man
27. Are you going to your ten year reunion? I might. I went to my 4 year reunion, and like 8 people showed up. It was really sad.
28. Who was your home room teacher? Ms. Brennan, who died the year after of a brain tumor. She was a deliciously eccentric, spacey women. I wish I told her more often how much I loved her. I wish I had visited her in hospital
29. What music did you listen to? Grunge, Alt rock, britpop
30. Who will repost this? I don't know---equally bored people; hopefully theron