Look, i'm sorry. I'm sorry I have been ignoring you. Hester aka Monica caught me online the other day and guilted me like crazy for my lack of communication, accusing me of being too good for the bloggosphere now that I was in new York and all sorts of other slanders which were, in fact are probably true, as I am too good for everyone, not to mention too cool for school. But these things are circumstantial. Oh, and I read a particularly awesome Jason Mulgrew post that's making me particularly self depricating today.

I am too cool for school, but we'll get into that later.

There is a very, very good explanation for my lack of posting, but I can't actually post about it without running the risk of scandal. It's a bit comforting, in this day and age, to live in a community and do things which could actually cause scandal without being immoral--like showing ankles or, say, voting or whatever. So take my word for it, the reason for my absence is delicious and fabulous and completely inappropriate while at the same time being innocuous and proper, and that is all I can say about such things right now. For the sake of blogging, we will call said situation The Situation, and no more about it will be said. Give me a call for The Situation.

I'm blogging now because I'm in Dallas, home for a minibreak (already? aleady!) and away from The Situation, which gives me freedom and time to blog. It would be difficult to accurately sum up the horror of moving to New York City (moving company lost half my shoes and the best part of my wardrobe! moving company refused to deliver the stuff to my apartment and instead left it on the curb where I had to hire two homeless men to take it up 5 flights of steps and I had to pay them in unmarked $20s and menthol cigarettes!), the awkward fumblings of the LDS Singles scene (no no, please ignore me and pay attention to my male companion! I don't mind!), the joys of living in a city (male models on the subway! ran into Paul Banks from interpol at the World Trade Center and I totally almost bumped into him and then freaked out and smiled and he totally nodded his head and grinned back and oh my gosh he is so hot!), and the unexpected je ne puis pas dire of The Situation. But while I can't summarize as accurately as I would have wished, i can promise that after The Siuation resolves itself on October 7th, I will return to 4X a week blogging. This I promise you, as an American, a compatriot, and also a friend.

I can say this:

LIFESTYLE: My apartment looks amazing. I can't afford much food, and in order to afford to eat, I have to buy all my produce from farmers markets and locally run butcher shops. I can't afford much meat, so I eat vegetables, and I can't afford soda, so I drink water. As a result, I've lost 15 pounds in 3 weeks, and I still can't fit into any of my jeans. I live in midtown, right by times square, the colbert report studios, and all of the museums. I can climb out onto my fire escape and eat dinner and watch the cops hauling people into the precinct across the street.

SCHOOL: Grad school is the easiest thing by far I have ever done, ever. School hasn't been this easy since I was in the 5th grade. Yes, there's a lot of reading, but you can do it or not--no one knows. My classmates are amazing, the trek to Newark is only an hour, and I'm not paying for it. Win Win.

LOVELIFE: Met a friend of a cousin studying ancient religion (mormon!), and we have a bit of a spark, but it's still a friendship spark. He came over for Sunday dinner last week and we ate salad and watched "Legend"--perhaps Ridley Scott's greatest movie ever. Anything else on this topic interferes with the peramaters of The Situation

INTERIORLIFE: It's still up in the air. No doubt, I'm going to devote between 4-5 tortured posts about my emotional state of being in the next 4 months, but as of now, I'll spare you. I'll just say that the things that make me sad make me sadder than they used to, but not dramatically so, just more deeply, and the things that made me happy don't quite make me happy anymore, but have been replaced by certain, less healthy forms of quick fix happiness--the kind that doesn't lead to joy. So i'm working on that.

But yes, I'm still alive, happy enough, and completely overwhelmed. I'm so sorry I've been ignoring you, my lovelies. Blame The Situation. You know mama only hurts you because i love you so much.

AlexiaIscariot: come up to new york soon. i'll keep a cage ready
theistheman: hahaha
theistheman: I'll bottom for you anytime

I found this on somebody's stupid MySpace. All y'all should fill it out.

Your Life: The Soundtrack

Opening credits: Cat Power “He War”
Waking up: The Catatonics “Bright”
Love scene: Feist “Secret Heart”
Fight scene: Sleater-Kinney “Little Mouth” AND PJ Harvey “Who the Fuck” (there are two fight scenes in my movie.)
Breaking up: Mirah “Archipelago”
Regular day: Elliott Smith “Oh Well, OK”
Mental breakdown: Xiu Xiu “I Luv The Valley (Oh!)”
Driving: Pavement “Summer Babe”
Flashback: Yo La Tengo “Autumn Sweater”
Drinking: The Amps “Empty Glasses”
Dream Sequence: Broken Social Scene “Anthems for a Seventeen Year Old Girl”
Long night alone: Aimee Mann “Deathly”
Death scene: Antony & The Johnsons “Hope There’s Someone” (if it’s a serious/ sad death) or The Misfits “Last Caress” (if I die in a funny way.)
Closing credits: Fiona Apple “I Know”

Workplace hilarity:

1) My boss just guessed my weight. He overestimated by a lot.

2)

Coworker A: how do you join a class action?
Coworker B: what class action are you trying to join?
Coworker A: they’re suing tobacco companies over light cigarettes.
Coworker B: Oh. You know what’s good about that lawsuit is that they’re bringing it under RICO, and that means
A and B (in unison): treble damages!

Maybe you had to be there. But I just love the dorky enthusiasm.

Since we last spoke:

Reading:
>The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay by Michael Chabon
>The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath
>Nowhere Man by Aleksandar Hemon

Listening:
>”Summer in Abaddon” by Pinback
>”Let It Die” by Feist
>”Live It Out” by Metric

Activities/Events:
>Wedding in Madison, Wisc.
>Being cutely suburban with the boy I like at Ravinia
>Spending tons of time with said boy
>Seeing The’s band Backgammon in E’town; seeing a bunch of cool people with whom I went to college
>Bebelo at Underground Lounge
>Drinks with my awesome, newly married friends (different from the Madison people)
>Denting my car in a sleepy haze outside a Dunkin’ Donuts
>Cat Power at the Vic (she played a “Nude as the News” / “Crossbones Style” medley—needless to say, this was the greatest thing ever.)
>Boozing at InnJoy
>Much school
>Much work
>Much rambling about school and work and myself
>Much snarkiness

Into:
>Burrito Beach
>Calling professors “Professor” and judges “Judge” as if it’s their name. I have always loved the sound of this. It could be my favorite thing about the legal world.
>The tapered jeans/ round-toed flats look. Love it.
>Ravenswood and its bunny population

Not-so-Into:
>People my age telling me that I can’t take a bathroom break (long story)
>The new slowness of the Blue Line
>Lakshmi’s absence from my life

I saw Radiohead in Edinburgh on the 22nd. They closed their set with Creep. That made me happy. :-)

The foundation of every wardrobe--every perfect wardrobe--consists of the Four Cornerstones (tm). The cornerstones are as follows:

1) the perfect white t-shirt
2) the perfect black pants
3) the perfect jeans
4) the perfect black skirt

The entire basis of the wardrobe centers around the harmony and perfection of these items. It has taken me years and years and years to gather these items, and they are indeed perfect. They fit my body type perfectly, they're versatile, they're lovely. And yet, over the course of moving from Evanston to Dallas to Manhattan, I have lost a Cornerstone. I have lost item 4.

For my body shape, the perfect black skirt is as follows: It is ankle length, stretch satin, straight with a slight a-line, hidden zipper. It goes with everything, I immediatly lose 10-15 pounds everytime I wear it, and it's gone! GONE!!! My heart is completely broken. If my house were burning down, it is the one material item I would take with me--it's that crucial to the success of my wardrobe. And after looking on the internet for an hour, I still haven't found a replacement. It's akin to Hercules cleaning out the stables--an impossible task. I don't know where to begin the search for a new one. Do I have my mother tear the house in Dallas apart? Do I take some stretch satin to a tailor and try and recreate it? Do I comb every store in New York to find it? I just don't know. I'm devestated.

And on the subject of clothing, when over the course of the last 2 years did everyone start dressing like a collossal bore? I mean, when I went to see Smog with Adele and Lakshmi a year ago, I whined about the hipster crafty movement, where everyone wanted to look like a grandmother or a hippie. I rationalized the look as being a hipster thing, and didn't think too much about it. But boring, uninspired clothing is everywhere--not just with hipsters. Everyone between the ages of 30-60 dresses in a uniform--awful prints and poorly cut clothing. Everyone between 15 and 30 looks as if they've been digging through their older sisters' closets, throwing whatever horrible sweater or tunic from the 70's or the 80's they find with some tights and flats and calling it a day. This trend exists irrespective of class or finances--everyone looks drab. And when did short women (under 5'2") decide skinny jeans were a good idea? They all look like midgets--especially when the jeans are cut above the ankle.

But yeah, adele, hipsters and construction workers--the same thign. Everyone looks dirty and boring. But it's a faux poverty, which is really insulting if you think about it. I never cared before about men looking sloppy until it became fashionable to do so, and now it strikes me as incredibly decadent--a bit like veganism. If you can have the money to buy shirts that are pre-worn, or buy cookies that are only made of soy and are gluten free--then if you have the nerve to act as if you're making a moral statement...*shiver.* It makes me nauseated. But, on the plus side, it's inspired me to return from exhile and once again take up the torch of fabulousness.

Hopefully sooner rather than later.

And I think New York and I are going to get along just fine.